My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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