You're my little dorito
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
