A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
