Who did Billy Mays play for?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
