Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
