He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
