dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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