dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
this hospital has no fireball
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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