dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
