i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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