Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
