dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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