Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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