Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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