so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
