Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
