you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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