Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
don't judge my taste in strippers
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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