turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
