Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
