??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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