that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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