so explain again why im purple
no
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
