Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
