I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
