i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
