I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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