If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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