I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
