party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
