Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
