hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
