Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
