I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
