did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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