He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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