Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
