wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
As shirtless as possible
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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