DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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