so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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