I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
