peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
