Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
