My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
