I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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