i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
