I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
