Kiss
Puke
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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