I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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