My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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