oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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