I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
