she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
