Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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