Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
