When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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