I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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