I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
