And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
