Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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