haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
