we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
