Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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