Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
