Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
