return my video game
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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