normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
