He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
