How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
