If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
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