yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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