I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize