it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
