I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
