It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
