the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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