she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
