6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
