You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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