...so i touched it.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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