Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
