So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
