dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
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I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
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It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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