is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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