do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize