I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
