you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
