I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
