My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
