3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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