I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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