I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
