i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
