i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
